Tuesday, April 29, 2008


While Time passes second by second, I yearn for a child second by second. Yesterday is too late, today has passed, and tomorrow is out of the question. Time- is it on our side or not?

I struggle to carry a baby, and another battles for life. I desire and pray for a child; others desire and pray for better health. And while I grieve for defeat and loss, others mourn life. So I face each day with the fact that there are worse places to be, worse situations to be in, and the fact that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Time is a never-ending hourglass.

Time does not have to be viewed as an enemy. Time is not something tactile, an object to be touched and smelled. Time is Time: "the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another." (http://www.dictionary.com/)

A system; I choose to feel Time is a system toward me achieveing my goal of having a baby. A good system, a positive family that holds my hand through my triumphs, glories, letdowns, and setbacks. "Past, present, and future." True. Time is yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It is a "system .... in which events succeed one another." Success. So, Time is success. Success to be viewed in many different ways- success to make decisions regarding adoption, success to be empowered through my own decisions, success that one life ends and another begins.

I shouldn't wait. I shouldn't allow Time to pass. And I shouldn't allow the thought of Time passing to consume me. I should allow each second of Time to be filled with memorable emotion, whether I am dancing, laughing, mourning, celebrating, or yearning! Yesterday is Time, today is Time, and tomorrow is Time- past, present, and future. I don't want to waste a precious moment of it because Time is bigger than we are, and sometimes we just have to live in the moment and allow Father Time to surround us.